Task 2: Spending on Education or Sport

by noman
(karachi)

Should more government money be spent on education or sports?

IT is undeniable fact that the importance of education can not be neglected at any cost now a days, in our country.Education plays a vital role in our life and its a rite of every citizen to get knowledge from any where in the world because of education we will be a good citizen or good person.

fistly,it is the responsibility of our parents to give better education and provide all essential facilities by which we can achieve the sucess in our life.

However,we dont have a good education system in our socities,the upper class have a standaries education system but the lower class is being neglected by and no one is taking the responsibility.

I personally,think that it is the responsibility of our politician who alwlays politisied this matter again and again,because of that the can not accept a lower class to be educated.

forexample,when the time of election the come to us just for the vote at that time the need our votes to be a primeminister or ministers inspite of our problem the takes advantages his own by miss using his powers.

Futhermore,as compare to anoter country in our country we are so far in every feilds we have a talent but due to lack of attention we can not achieve the targets.

In a conclusion,it is the responsibility of the goverment to takes some measure steps and spend money in education instead of recreation or sports,and makes our globe is full of smile.

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IELTS Buddy
Feedback:

It’s difficult for me to give you full feedback as you did not include the question. So I am not sure if you answered it or not, and I am not sure if you have organized it correctly.

I have made an attempt to correct the grammar, but again, it can sometimes be difficult to know what you intended to say without the question.

I've guessed what the question was from your conclusion and included it.

It looks like the question may have been asking if the government should spend money on education rather than sports or recreation? If this is so, you have not really answered it. You have talked about the lower classes and upper classes and corruption. This is not answering WHY we should spend money on education rather than recreation.

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Grammar corrected version:

IT is an undeniable fact that the importance of education cannot be neglected at any cost nowadays in any country. Education plays a vital role in our life and it is the right of every citizen to get knowledge from anywhere in the world because with education we will be a good citizen or good person.

Firstly, it is the responsibility of our parents to give a better education and provide all the essential facilities by which we can achieve success in our life.

However, we do not have a good education system in our societies. The upper class have a standaries (?? Do you mean “standard”?) education system but the lower class is being neglected and no one is taking responsibility.

I personally think that it is the responsibility of our politicians who always politicize this matter again and again. Because of that, they cannot accept a lower class to be educated. For example, when it is election time, they come to us just for the vote because at that time they need them to be Prime Minister or a Minister. In spite of our problems, they take advantage of us and misuse their powers.

Furthermore, as compared to another country, in our country we are so far in every field. We have a talent but due to a lack of attention we cannot achieve the targets. (I am not sure what you are saying in this paragraph)

In conclusion, it is the responsibility of the government to take some measures and spend money in education instead of recreation or sports, and make our globe full of smiles.

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FURTHER COMMENTS

Spelling

Be careful with your spelling – there were a lot of errors with this.

Short Forms

Don’t use abbreviations (e.g. don’t…it’s) in academic writing. You should write the full form i.e. “do not”; “it is”.

Explaining and Extending Ideas

“Furthermore, as compared to another country, in our country we are so far in every field, we have a talent but due to lack of attention we cannot achieve the targets.”
- I’m not sure what this means?

You have to make sure you fully explain your ideas. And you should not make reference to your country unless you are using this for a specific example to illustrate a point. As you have written it, someone reading it will not know where you are referring to or why it is relevant.

Correct Voice

"globe full of smiles." - don't say things like this. It's not 'academic' enough.

Return to IELTS Sample Task 2 Writing

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