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Task 2: Inequalities in Society

by Phuong Nhung Nguyen
(Hanoi, Vietnam)

The problem with society today is that it is essentially unbalanced, with some people being paid huge salaries to work very long hours, whilst others do not have a job and have too much time on their hands. There is no middle ground.

Do you agree or disagree?

Having summarised things that happened in 2011, many economical authorities claimed that unemployment was a serious matter of the year. A great number of people lost their jobs especially in Europe; however, some people still earned huge money even they became millionaires with long hour working. That is the fact that has taken place for a decade owing to the work requirement and the unlimited human need. In this essay, I will give brief explanation about how two factors result in the inequality of job and show my perspective afterwards.

First of all, well paid work requires candidates who long to apply for it to have special attributes. As an example, doctor is an occupation with high salary. Before a specialist can work in a hospital, he has to graduate in a medical university and achieves clinical experiences over about from two to three years. In addition to the restricted entrance of medical schools, not everyone has adequate ability such as fast reflection with real circumstances in clinic or the skill of communication with patients to work as a physician. Therefore the figure of people who is a doctor is small.

On the other hand, people that are paid high money per month by companies always want to do extra work to enhance the income due to the fact that they usually have new needs. It means that once people gain something, they are not satisfied and they take up new dream about other things. It is nature of human and makes people who have been already wealthy and hard working be richer and lengthen their working hours. Certainly, this will reduce the opportunities of others in applying for jobs and the inequality will become more serious.

To sum up, I absolutely endorse the statement. In the future, if the government does not have appropriate policies, the problem will not be worked out even appear to be worse.

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IELTS buddy
Feedback:

I think in order to fully answer this question you need also to write about those who do not have a job, and the fact that society is unfair, with the richer getting richer, and the poorer getting poorer.

I think your example about doctors is too long, and so you don't have a chance to write about other things like bankers.

Also, I am not exactly sure how the second paragraph is answering the question. You use 'on the other hand', but it seems to me you are giving 'additional' information, not 'comparing'.

Below is a corrected version with some further
comments.

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Having summarised things that happened in 2011, many economical authorities claimed that unemployment was one of the most serious issues of the year. A great number of people lost their jobs especially in Europe; however, some people still earned huge amounts of money, and even became millionaires by working long hours. This situation has been occurring for a decade owing to the work requirement and unlimited human needs. In this essay, I will explain how two factors result in job inequality and give my perspective on the issue.

First of all, well paid work requires candidates who long to apply for it to have special attributes. As an example, a doctor is an occupation with a high salary. Before a specialist can work in a hospital, he has to graduate in a medical university and achieve clinical experiences over two to three years. In addition to the restrictive entrance criteria of medical schools, not everyone has the adequate ability such as fast reflection with real circumstances in the clinic or the skill of communication with patients to work as a physician. Therefore the number of people who are doctors is small.

On the other hand, people that are paid high salaries each month by companies always want to do extra work to improve their income due to the fact that they usually have new needs. It means that once people gain something, they are not satisfied and they start dreaming about other things. It is the nature of humans and makes people who have been already wealthy and hard working get richer and lengthen their working hours. Certainly, this will reduce the opportunities of others in applying for jobs and the inequality will become more serious.

To sum up, I absolutely endorse the statement. In the future, if the government does not have appropriate policies, the problem will not be worked out, and may even become worse.

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FURTHER COMMENTS


economical authorities = ?? You mean ‘economists’?

Even = check how to use this word. It’s a very common mistake. ‘Even’ on its own is an adverb and it can’t be used to join sentences (i.e. make complex sentences).

Do you mean to use ‘even if’ or ‘even though’. These can be used to join clauses. At the moment it is not clear what you are saying in this sentence.

I will give brief explanation about how two factors result in the inequality of job and show my perspective afterwards. = this is not a phrasing you should use for an academic opinion essay like this.

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