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Task 2: Education and a Country's Development

by LION
(Tashkent)

Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor for the development of a country.


To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Everything has two sides and education system is not an exception. In the past it seemed like the most natural way of developing country but nowadays people criticize it.

On the one hand, education system is one best way of teaching students about the factor to develop country. It helps students to know more about the country's poor sides and teaches them how to solve or promote drawbacks of the country. For example, nowadays in all developed country's universities include lessons which contain the country's development plans or ways.

On the other hand, many people believe that developed economy contributes the promotion of the country. It is proven that in some country’s education system is not increased but the countries’ development rate is so high, such as India. What we drive from these facts is that if country establishes proper economy system, it means this country begins to develop. If country’s economic rate is not chosen properly that it is impossible to increase any field of the country, because economic increase will face the country with the world.

Moreover, established suitable policy means developed country. Some countries, nowadays, is being run by true and successful policy, because opposide side may lead to the some kind of problems, such as citizen battles and country cannot afford to stabilise its education system, as without peace it is impossible to increase or choose complementary education. It is proven in many countries or from many years that if one country is run with unsuitable policy it brings to country’s disappearance or separation. For example, in the history it is visible that some countries were separated by their unnecessary policy, not
their unproper education

In conclusion, education system, in my opinion, is part of development of the country, while, without economy and policy it is not possible to support promotion to the country.

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IELTS buddy
Feedback

I had a look at your essay. Unfortunately I think you have quite a lot of work to do to improve it. There are quite a lot of grammar errors.

Also, there are large parts where I did not understand what you were saying. For example:


It is proven that in some country’s education system is not increased but the countries’ development rate is so high, such as India

If country’s economic rate is not chosen properly that it is impossible to increase any field of the country, because economic increase will face the country with the world.

Some countries, nowadays, is being run by true and successful policy, because opposide side may lead to the some kind of problems, such as citizen battles and country cannot afford to stabilise its education system, as without peace it is impossible to increase or choose complementary education.


In fact I did not understand what point you were making in nearly all of the last body paragraph.

Some of your ideas seemed very repetitive. Have a look at your second body paragraph – it seems as if you say the same thing several times.

To Improve:

You need to focus on planning before you write. You need to brainstorm a few key topics / main ideas for each paragraph, and then decide what examples you can use to support them.

You also need to focus on your use of vocabulary as you were using many words in the wrong context.

Look at examples of model essays on this site to see how you can support your ideas and structure an answer:


model essays

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