Task 2: Developed Countries Helping Developing Countries

by mehreen

IMPROVEMENTS IN HEALTH, EDUCATION AND TRADE ARE ESSENTIAL FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF POORER NATIONS. HOWEVER,THE GOVERNMENTS OF RICHER NATIONS SHOULD TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HELPING THE POORER NATIONS IN SUCH AREAS.

TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

In today's sophisticated society,people of the developing countries are still fighting for their basic righs such a better healthcare,proper education and a sound source of income.While the governments of the underdeveloped countries are struggling to improve the living standards of their people,I believe that contribution by richer nations should be more in this regard.

To begin,all human beings should help each other.Govenments of richer nations can take many steps to improve the living standard of the poorer naions.

Firstly,in the field of healthcare,developed countries can support he underdeveloped in many ways.They can send their expert doctors to train the medical staff in the developing countries.Also,they can open free medical camps in the selected areas of poor countries.In this way free medical advice could be given.Such camps can also start health awarness compaigns to make people aware of unhealthy lifetyle. Moreover, experts from the developed countries can also help with the vaccination programmes in the developing countries.This will led to decrease in infant mortality rate.

Secondly,assistance in the field of education should be provide to the poorer nations.The developed countries can provide funds to open new schools and polytechnic institutions.These will not only increase the literacy rate,but will also provide vocational education.Furthermore,the rich governments should provide the students of poor countries an oportunity to study in the prestigious institutions by giving scholarships.This will promote poor people to gain higher education.

Finally,rich nations should help to improve the economy of poor countries.This can be done by promoting free trade.This wil reduce barriers to international trade such as tariff,import quotas and export fee and will help to lift the developing countries out of poverty.

To conclude,if we want to live in a beter world with peace and harmony,we should always help each other.Therefore,I believe that richer nations should help the poor countries in all the fields.

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Here is the corrected version:

In today's sophisticated society, people of the developing countries are still fighting for their basic rights such as better healthcare, proper education and a sound source of income. While Because the governments of the underdeveloped countries are struggling to improve the living standards of their people, I believe that contributions by richer nations should be more in this regard.

To begin, all human beings should help each other. Governments of richer nations can take many steps to improve the living standards of the poorer nations. (it is not really clear why this short paragraph is here – paragraphs should really be at least three sentences. I would delete this as you seem to be just repeating your thesis)

Firstly, in the field of healthcare, developed countries can support he underdeveloped in many ways. They can send their expert doctors to train the medical staff in the developing countries. Also, they can open free medical camps in the selected areas of poor countries. In this way free medical advice could be given. Such camps can also start health awarness campaigns to make people aware of unhealthy lifestyles. Moreover, experts from the developed countries can also help with the vaccination programmes in the developing countries. This will lead to decreases in infant mortality rates.

Secondly, assistance in the field of education should be provided to the poorer nations. The developed countries can provide funds to open new schools and polytechnic institutions. These will not only increase the literacy rate, but will also provide vocational education. Furthermore, the rich governments should provide the students of poor countries an opportunity to study in the prestigious institutions by giving scholarships. This will promote help poor people to gain higher education.

Finally, rich nations should help to improve the economy of poor countries. This can be done by promoting free trade. This will reduce barriers to international trade such as tariffs, import quotas and export fees and will help to lift the developing countries out of poverty.

To conclude, if we want to live in a better world with peace and harmony, we should always help each other. Therefore, I believe that richer nations should help the poor countries in all the fields.

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Further comments:

Grammar and vocabulary:

Overall, your grammar control and range of structures are very good, as is your vocabulary and collocations.

You had a lot of spelling mistakes, though, so be careful with this.

You miss your ‘s’ in quite a few places as well.

Organization:

Your organization is again good. Clear paragraphs with each discussing a central idea, and transitions used to help the reader follow the ideas.

Only problem is with that ‘dangling’ paragraph at the beginning. It is like you have just repeated your thesis again.

Content

There is small issue with your content. You need to make it clearer WHY developing nations should help developing nations. You have instead focused most of your ideas on HOW. You do mention this in your thesis, but your essay would benefit from a bit more information about this in respect of each factor within each paragraph.

The question insinuates that developed countries are not doing enough, because it says they ‘should do more’.

So for each of your ideas / paragraphs, it would be better to first spend a couple of sentences stating the problems developing countries have with each issue, and then going on to say why developed countries are in a good position to help.

Here is a possible example to show you what I mean for your paragraph on health (I took your last idea out because it may be getting too long):

Firstly, in the field of healthcare, developing countries face dire problems. Taking the African continent as an example, diseases such a malaria and AIDS are prevalent, resulting in thousands of deaths every year, and malnutrition is also a major problem due to drought. Developed countries have to send more doctors to train the medical staff in the developing countries. Also, they can open free medical camps in the selected areas of poor countries. In this way free medical advice could be given. Such camps can also start health awarness campaigns to make people aware of unhealthy lifestyles.

You don’t have to organize it this way, but you do at some point in your essay need to make some reference to the problems developing countries face and why developed countries are in a good position to help.

That said, it’s still a good answer and you still make reference to why developing countries need help so I’d expect it to get a good band score, particularly because as I said you have very good organization and grammar.

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