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Task 1 Bar Chart: Effectiveness at Work

by Phuong Nhung Nguyen
(Hanoi, Vietnam)

The bar chart shows the results of a survey at a major company about work performance..

The bar chart shows the results of a survey at a major company about work performance..

The graph illustrates the information about the factors that affect the work effective of workers in a company. Workers are divided into two groups depending on their ages: 18 – 30 and 45 – 60 year old group.


As a general trend, most of the factors influence the former more than the latter.

For younger people, five top factors are chance for development, unstressed working environment, money, promotion prospects and team spirit. The first one shows the highest number by just under 90 and the rest ones are nearly the same, ranging from 65 to 75. The other matters’ numbers are below 60 and work environment stands at the bottom with only 30.

For older employees, the trend is quite different. Team spirit and money are still lead, reaching 70 and well over 60 respectively while job security experiences the lowest figure by 15.

The differences between two groups see significantly when considering chance for personal development due to there are 60 workers of 18 – 30 aged group more than that of the rest group. However, in terms of work environment and team spirit, two groups are equal in number and for competent boss and respect from colleagues, the mid – aged group overtakes slightly the younger one with les than 15.
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IELTS buddy

Feedback:

Revised version:

The graph illustrates information about the factors that affect the work effectiveness of workers in a company. Workers are divided into two groups depending on their ages: 18 – 30 year olds and 45 – 60 year olds. Overall, it can be seen that most of the factors influence the former more than the latter.

For younger people, the five top factors are chance for development, unstressed working environment, money, promotion prospects and team spirit. The first one shows the highest number at just under 90 and the other ones are nearly the same, ranging from 65 to 75. The other matters’ (can’t say this, I think you mean ‘other factors’?) numbers are below 60 and work environment stands at the bottom with only 30.

For older employees, the trend is quite different. Team spirit and money lead, reaching 70 and well over 60 respectively, while job security is the lowest figure at 15.

The differences between the two groups are the most noticeable when considering chance for personal development due to the fact that there are 60 workers more in the 18 – 30 age group than that of the other group. However, in terms of work environment and team spirit, the two groups are equal in number and for competent boss and respect from colleagues, the mid–aged group overtakes the younger one by 15.

====================

Further Comments:

“As a general trend” = we don’t tend to write this. “Overall, it can be seen that….” is ok (this gets a complex sentence in as well).

due to + noun

due to the fact that + Subject Verb

Rest = remainder – you mean ‘other’

Another way to organize graphs like this is to look at the factors which are higher in one group than the other.

Example:

Paragraph One:
Group 1 = Factors affecting work performance of 18-30 much more than 45-60
i.e. chance for personal development, relaxed working environment, job security, promotion prospects

Paragraph Two / Three:
Group 2 = Those equal or nearly the same (giving some detail about how they differ etc)



Comments for Task 1 Bar Chart: Effectiveness at Work

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 10, 2012
 By or at?
by: Anonymous

I'm very glad because you checked my writing.
There is something that I want you to give me some pieces of advice.
I don't know why you suggest me to use "at" instead of "by" when I long to mention the data?
Thanks so much.
Jan 12, 2012
 using 'by'
by: IELTS buddy

Hi,

You normally use 'at' just to say where a figure is. For example, "The number of people eating hamburgers stood at 100".

'by' is usually used to say how much something increased or decreased by. For example, "The number of people eating hamburgers increased by 50%." (so it is now 'at' 150).

Other examples:
"fell by..."
"rose by..."

Have you seen it used in a different way somewhere? If so, post it here and I can look. There may be another way it is used that I have not thought of.
Aug 27, 2013
 Many words
by: Anonymous

Your overall writing is good but you tend to use too many words that are not suitable and will mislead the examiner in the ielts exam..
Oct 24, 2014
 Please check
by: Anonymous

The bar chart compares the different factors that affect the work performance of people in various ages. It is consists of individuals aged 18-30 and 45-60. It can be seen that the majority of the workers preferred to have a chance for personal development in order to be effective at work. On the contrary, the protection offered by job security was the least effective factor that affects work performance according to people aged 45-60.

People tend to have different views with regard to the factors than can either make them effective or defective at work. According to the chart, younger employees, aged 18-30, chose the chance for personal development as the primary factor to motivate them to do better at work, voting the highest level at 90%, wherease older employees, those aged 45-60, valued money among others, giving it a vote of 70%. This shows that both age group have their own preferences. Notably, they provided the same percentage of approval that team spirit and work environment can boost their work performance, leveling at 65% and 30%, respectively. Furthermore, they also find job satisfaction, money, respect for colleagues and having a competent boss to be pertinent components of an effective job performance. Only a minimal difference can be observed on their answers. However, with regard to having a relaxed working environment, younger population, find it favorable at 82%, whereas those aged 45-60 were not very impressed, voting only at 30%. Also, promotion was also important among the younger group, reaching at 80%, but only half of the older group find it helpful, voting at 50%.

Overall, the data significantly validate that people in different generations have different outlooks on how they can improve their work performance.
Jan 08, 2015
 Please Help Examine This
by: Nuke

The Bar Chart illustrates comparison of various factors which influence working attitude and attainment between two age-groups (18-30 yrs vs 45-60 yrs).

It elucidates some of interesting facts regarding which element affected one particular age-group better than the other. For instance, younger age-groups tend to be motivated more by factors involved in their personal growth and development, whereas older age-groups tend to seek for personal acknowledgement in their jobs. Thus, Chance for Personal Development, is the strongest point behind the reason for younger age to choose certain job. It overtakes other reasons, like Relaxed Working Environment, Promotion Prospect, even Money. Whilst, older age-groups driven more by money, team-spirit and boss competency. In fact, they seem to take more account on competent boss and respect from colleagues bigger than younger age-groups. Team Spirit and Work Environment, both equally affect all groups at the same proportion. Almost similar with the previous notion, factors like money, job satisfaction, competent boss, also fairly equal between two age-groups.

In summary, money tends to be tertiary reason behind younger age’s motive to choose for suitable jobs. They are more prompt to future prospect for their personal growth. Whilst for older age-groups labors, emphasize money as their strongest motive.
Jul 17, 2015
 It is too long
by: Ekaterina

Thats really a good example of task 1 response, but i think it is too long (224 words), we have to learn how to organise your ideas in 150-170 words in terms of saving time for a review
Sep 07, 2016
 Pls rate this ielts buddy. thanks
by: Dems

The diagram reveals information about the factors that affect the job performance of two different age groups surveyed by a personnel department at a big firm.

Overall, it is evident that a chance for personal development, relaxed working environment, promotion prospects and money are the topmost reasons that drive age 18-30 people to perform in their job. However, for age 45-60 people, the most influential aspects for their job performance are money and team spirit.

Looking at the details, as for young adults, a very large majority (90%) says that a chance for personal development affects their job most, compared to 40% of votes from middle aged adults. Relaxed working environment and promotion prospects are then their next choice, with both at 80%, whereas these aspects account for 20% and 50% only for age 45-60 employees.

As regards middle age group, an average of 65% of people says that money and team spirit are their principal issues. The same percentage is true for young employees; however, these factors are already ranked 4th and 5th on their lists. Other issues which are similarly chosen by both age groups are job satisfaction (50%), competent boss (50%), respect from colleagues (40%) and working environment (30%), while job security being the least preferred factor by young people.
Jan 18, 2017
 thank you in advance
by: Anonymous

The bar chart illustrates the factors that influence on the employees performance at companies which are divided into two groups according for their ages; 18-30 and 45-65 year old. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the effect of these factors was mostly on young employees.

As regards the effectiveness of chance for personal development, while the proportion was the top in young groups at 90 %, it dropped to 45% for old workers. The proportion was the same in both age groups with respect to team spirit at 70%, and work environment at 30 %. In regard to the effect of boss competent, respect colleagues, and job satisfaction, the proportion was nearly the same in both groups at {68,70%}, {58%,60}, and {68,70%} respectively.

In conclusion, it is clear that the effect of these factories on the work performance differed according to the group ages and the interesting thing in this survey the influence was more on the young workers than the elder.
Mar 09, 2017
 Missed to categorize as "Young" and "Older" ... though still appreciate your review
by: Usama

The bar chart indicates reasons influencing efficiency at job for the age groups 18-30 and 45-60. It is clear that chance for personal development was the most common factor affecting the age group 18-30 while people in the age range of 45-60 were least affected by Job Security.

In detail, chance for personal development is the key reason affecting the age group 18-30 at 90% in comparison with the age group 45-60 which is about half the rate of age group 18-30. It is worthwhile to note that relaxed work environment has influenced the age group 18-30 nearly three times in contrast with people in the age range of 45-60. Considerable difference was observed in Promotion prospects where 80% of the persons within age range of 18-30 were affected while about 50% of the people were affected for the same reason in the age group of 45-60.

Money and Team spirit were also the major factors and influenced both age groups nearly between 60-70% whereas competent boss, respect from colleagues and job satisfaction remained under the range of 40-60%. On the other hand, Work environment affected both categories at approximately 30%.

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