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Student Sample Essay:
Advertising

by Rahul
(new delhi, India)

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.


To what extent do you agree with this view?

In today’s time we come across plethora of advertising via various mediums like Outdoor, Print, TV and Online. If done ethically, advertising is beneficial to advertisers as well as consumers. However there is a rising concern about some companies using unethical methods of advertising which is having a harmful effect on the society. In following paragraphs I will delve deeper on the issue.

In today’s time, TV viewers get to see lot of advertisements during breaks in between their favourite TV programs. This deviates their concentration thereby reducing entertainment value of the programs they are watching. Another drawback attributed to advertising is that kids and youngsters fall prey to appealing advertising of fast foods chains like Mac Donald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Hut etc and they get attracted to unhealthy fast food resulting in various kinds of health problems like obesity, juvenile diabetes etc. Also, few people argue that some companies use obscene materials in their advertisements to attract views which pollutes viewers’ minds especially that of younger ones.

On the contrary, some people are of the opinion that advertising helps in increasing awareness about a company’s product or services. People get to know about company’s new offerings easily through advertising. Without advertising publicity of company’s product and services will not be possible. Thus advertising helps companies in increasing their sales and profits. According to some school of thoughts, advertising creates demand by educating its target customers about new ways of using an existing product or service.

To sum up the discussion, I would like to add that advertising is important for a company to sustain itself in the competitive market but companies should follow certain ethics and a code of conduct in order to eliminate harmful effects of advertising.

World Count: 290

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IELTS buddy feedback

Grammar and Organization

Its generally a well-written and well organized essay, and you should get a good score for that.

Content

The only slight issue I would have with the essay is the content in relation to answering the question.

Make sure your essay directly addresses the question - remember it is asking you about the METHODS.

Your essay reads a bit as if you are just discussing the advantage and disadvantages of advertising.

Unethical methods would be things like advertising cigarettes at sporting events, or subliminal advertising (such as in a film - when the person does not even know they are being influenced),

You do tackle this, but a few points aren't specific enough. For instance in the first paragraph you say that children are influenced by appealing advertisements - you should mention what methods are used to influence them.

So the key point to take away is - always read the question very carefully: underline key words.

If you address the question fully, though, I think you can get a good score.

Thesis Statement / Opinion

This thesis statement looks a bit odd:

"In following paragraphs I will delve deeper on the issue".

Also, you need to make your opinion clearer. The essay question asks if you agree or disagree but it is not clear what your opinion is.

For this essay, I would delete the last sentence of the introduction and then make your opinion on the issue clearer in the conclusion.

For example:

"On balance, although advertising is necessary, it is clear that in some cases the methods used are unethical and are not acceptable".







Comments for Student Sample Essay:
Advertising

Click here to add your own comments

May 28, 2013
 Thank you for your review
by: Anonymous

Hi,

Thank you for reviewing my essay. I really appreciate your taking time to check the essay in detail. i have taken note of your comments and advise and will incorporate these hereon and will keep in touch. All the best for your website it is really very useful for IELTS aspirants...keep up the good work. Rahul
Oct 31, 2013
 plz check this
by: venus


Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. Blood sports should be banned.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Killing animals for sport was the one of the main entertainments in the old society. Despite the fact that civilization continuous in the world, it remains very popular and does not do anything good against killing the helpless animals for fun. I believe that these kinds of activities are cruel and uncultured, should be stopped.

To begin, the blood sports are cruel and inhumane because of the way it treated the animals. Many of these games resulted in prolonged sufferings and death of the animals involved in. For an instance, animals or birds involved bull- fighting or cock -fighting often left to suffer from pain and dehydration until the last minutes of the game.

In addition to this, there is an argument that people who enjoy and participate in these games are reinforcing their violent and unkind behaviours, as it is aggressive and hurtful. Studies which show the link between watching violent video games and children’s atrocious behaviours in schools and homes can be a case in point.

However, in several countries blood sports are a part of their culture and religious ceremonies; and it has been transferred through the generations. Furthermore, many have the opinion that animals are incapable of expressing feelings as humans do and it is acceptable to use them for fun and a money source.

In conclusion, there are both positive and negative arguments related to the banning of blood sports, and it is very obvious that the positives outweigh the negatives. In spite of the culture and entertainment, torturing animals are inhumane and must be banned from the society. Since, living in a civilized world, human beings need to show more compassion and love towards their fellow creatures.

---------------------------------

Hi,

I can't give a detailed response, but it has some good points and weaker ones.

The good points are that it is organised well and you look at both sides. There is also some good vocabulary.

There are quite a few noticeable grammar errors though so you need to work on that.

Also, the second body paragraph is going off topic slightly.

Finally, you say in the conclusion that there are more positive points than negative ("the positives outweigh the negatives"). This does not support what you are saying in the essay. Avoid this mistake.
Jan 20, 2014
 plz check and make comment
by: Anonymous

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin.

Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Now days markets are growing up faster new products always attract customers everywhere which bring profitable to companies. In this essay I will discuss the reason for using such lighting product and the effect toward healthy and society.

There are many reasons that customers use lighting products. Firstly many black people want to be white so they use it in order to make their skin white. Secondly people use lighting product in order to make them more beauty or cover some dead skin as they think it will make it despaired. Thirdly people who overload tan and want their natural skin back so they use lighting product to make them whiter.

There are more negative effect than positive because whiting product will bring cancer later on no matter how quality is good because there is chemical contain to make skin whiter that might effect in their health . moreover , some customer don’t know how to use certain standards to use to make the skin whiter so skin color will not be equilibrium that match their orginal skin . as far many people don’t have good knowledge in how to use the products in good way so they don’t damage their skin.

To sum up , although these kinds of products are bring profitable to market society must prevent in order to prevent healthy problems .
Jan 21, 2014
 blood sports should be banned...
by: venus

thank you very much for the reply even though it wasn't detailed.
Apr 25, 2014
 Need to imporve
by: Anonymous

Hi
Well here are my observations.
- There are noticeable grammatical mistakes.
- The essay does not describe why people want to become fair.
Nov 20, 2014
 Nice
by: Paisa

Is okay I think that is a good idea or example for me and other people 😉🐭🐩❄️❄️⛄️🌁
Sep 25, 2015
 average essay
by: Anonymous

Not so appropriate u should elaborate more..
Apr 24, 2016
 add more
by: Anonymous

it is good but more to be written
Feb 21, 2018
 advertising
by: Anonymous

Don't believe in advertising, they are cheating us

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