IELTS Computer Delivered Tests + Band Score

IELTS Writing Task 2:
Private Education

by dolly

Some people believe that the responsibility for providing education should be borne only by the government and that private education should be banned.


What is your own opinion on that matter?

In by-gone society, education meant going to the neighborhood government school. Lately, private education has been initiated in the modern society leading the heated argument concerned with banning the latter among the scholars. However, I firmly agree that education by private should be a part of national education.

Advocates in State education exclaim that private education could not support an equality among the public. The reason is that private education is introduced with business purposes targeting only the rich. Being designed with abundant educational facilities in order to provide good education, it creates less job opportunities for the unaffordable people in the future.

Another standpoint is that the curriculum of private institution does not suite for the respective children not for being drawn by the local curriculum experts to meet with the allocated national educational goals. In most cases, the syllabus is adopted from other countries lacking the value of their own countries’ identities and culture.

On the other hand, the opponents believe that compared to state schools, private education is rich in resources, facilities and technical methodology which would assist children’ learning to their top. As a result, it would be possible to build a knowledge- society with these future literate people.

Moreover, letting private education together with the government one is, to some extent, upgrading educational standard. In the respect of business, schools have to compete one another in persuading the customers, then, this would be advantage for the public.

Briefly, although private education could not cope with the massive population, it can benefit for minority up to some points. Therefore, instead of banning it, the best course would be enhancing government education, supplied by technological and human resources. (281-words)

==================================================

IELTS buddy
Feedback

Corrected Version:

In bygone society, education meant going to the neighborhood government school. Lately, private education has been initiated established in the modern society leading to the heated arguments among scholars concerned with about banning the latter. However, I firmly agree believe that education by the private sector should be a part of the national education
system.

Advocates in State education exclaim that private education could does not support an equality among the public. The reason is that private education is introduced with business purposes targeting only the rich. Being designed with abundant educational facilities in order to provide good education , it creates less job opportunities for the unaffordable those people who cannot afford it in the future.

Another standpoint is that the curriculum of private institutions does not suite for the respective children not for being drawn by the local curriculum experts to meet with the allocated national educational goals (I don't understand what you are saying here - your grammar / vocab use must be mixed up). In most cases, the syllabus is adopted from other countries lacking the value of their own countries’ identities and culture.

On the other hand, the opponents believe that compared to state schools, private education is rich in resources, facilities and technical methodology which would assist children’ learning to their top best level. As a result, it would be possible to build a knowledge-based society with these future literate people

Moreover, letting private education operate together with the government one is education is, to some extent, upgrading educational standards. In the respect of to business, schools have to compete with one another in persuading the customers, so then, this would be advantage for the public.

(You haven't explained this last argument properly - I am not sure what you mean. Who is competing with who and why would this be an advantage with the public?).

Briefly To sum up, although private education could not cope with the massive whole population, it can benefit for a minority up to some point. Therefore, instead of banning it, the best course would be enhancing improving government education, supplied by technological and human resources (again, not clear what you mean in this last sentence).

==================================================

FURTHER COMMENTS


Overall, your general organization is ok and it is good that you look at both sides of the argument, but some of your ideas are not presented clearly or explained enough.

I've noted the parts that I did not really understand above.

I firmly agree = only use 'agree' if you are asked if you agree or not with the statement.

Comments for IELTS Writing Task 2:
Private Education

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 21, 2012
 Private education
by: Anonymous

average essay but good points
Aug 19, 2012
 Private Education
by: Twinkle

In a world today where poverty continue to rise, education & employment are the top priority problems that are to be solved. People from the poor sectors of the society are fighting for their rights of equality. They want to abolish the private education & to have it be provided exclusively by the state among all individuals. As a result, this will give all individuals an equal chance in getting a good job in the future.

At some point, it is true that people who graduated from a private school get better opportunities in finding a good job compared with those who graduated from a public school. They are seen to be more knowledgeable & competitive. This is due to the quality of education that they receive. In a private school, limited students are being assigned to each classrooms that is why the ratio of teachers to its students is at average. Teachers are able to provide one on one teaching to their students that's why more learning can occur unlike in public schools where there are so many students compared to the ratio of the teachers and so the quality of good education is not that achieved and less learning takes place.

To the question if I agree that private education should be prohibited, My answer is yes, I agree if the changes will be for the betterment of our society. If it will be the solution for the discrimination that is very rampant these days. I am a product of private education during my school years but I agree with the concept of making education fair among everyone with the condition that the government should strive to provide a better quality of education to its governance. Everyone has a right to good education it is even stated in the constitution therefore the state should provide what is best for its people and in return, the state will benefit from its educated people.
Aug 21, 2014
 cong;
by: xloonvis

very good for me.
Dec 11, 2015
 nice
by: Anonymous

nice information

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Writing Submissions - Task 2.


Show / Hide

Band 7+ eBooks

"I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that's not academic language, but it's the truth!"

Linda, from Italy, Scored Band 7.5

ielts buddy ebooks