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IELTS Student Essay:
Overpopulation

by Rahul
(New Delhi, India)

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems.


Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

People from villages and smaller towns are migrating to urban areas in search of employment and better standard of living. As a consequence, urban areas are becoming overpopulated and are facing lot of problems, major ones being (1) shortage of housing space and (2) overcrowding transport system.

With increasing population in urban areas, there is a huge demand for housing in order to accommodate migrated population. We have often seen Government not being able to provide sufficient housing to its people. If I take my own example, I live in New Delhi and had booked an apartment through a private builder three years ago. However, due to shortage in supply of housing units, I have advised by the builder to wait for 3 more years before an apartment can be allotted to me. To tackle this problem, Government can launch large housing societies under public-private model. Government can also formulate lucrative schemes in order to encourage private builders to invest in new housing projects. We, as a citizen, can rent unused rooms in our apartments or houses to students or individuals thereby optimizing living space in the city.

Apart from housing shortage, overpopulation in urban areas has also put excessive burden on transport system. As a result, various modes of public transportation are overcrowded and people face lot of inconvenience during their daily commute. I have experienced this problem myself while commuting to work in Delhi Metro every day. Few years ago, I used to find a seat every time I travelled in Delhi Metro but from last one year or so, I hardly manage to get a seat for myself and most often I travel standing in Metro. Government must pitch in and introduce innovative modes of transport which have higher passenger carrying capacity and are fuel efficient. Also, Government must increase fleet size of already exiting modes of transport to ease the pressure on transport system. We, the people, can also help the cause by using our own modes of transportation, at least, while travelling short distances. This will leave the space in public transport for needy passengers.

To conclude, we can say urban areas are facing lot of
problems due to overpopulation. However, with joint partnership of Government and people these problems can be tackled to a great extent.

Word Count: 382

__________________________________________________________

IELTS Buddy Feedback:

Content and Organization


I would say that your content and organization are generally fine. You introduce the topic in the introduction, you have clear topic sentences, and it is easy to follow as you write about each problem then go on to the solutions.

Grammar


You have lots of minor grammar errors. They don't affect the understanding, but they are noticable. Just to take an example from your introduction and the first couple of sentences of your first body paragraph to show you, the corrections are in bold:

People from villages and smaller towns are migrating to urban areas in search of employment and better standards of living. As a consequence, urban areas are becoming overpopulated and are facing a lot of problems, the major ones being a shortage of housing space and overcrowded transport systems.

With increasing populations in urban areas, there is a huge demand for housing in order to accommodate these migrating populations. We have often seen Governments not being able to provide sufficient housing to its people.
Remember for a band 7 for grammar, the public band descriptors say:

Produces frequent error-free sentences

You are in danger of not meeting this if errors are too frequent.

It looks like you have a problem with articles, plurals and some word form endings (ing/ed) So review these.

Also, I notice your essay is 382 words. This is very long. Did it take 40 mins in total? You will be better off writing less and giving yourself more time to check your grammar.

Thesis


There is a problem with your thesis.

1) You should not put in numbering under any circumstances in a Task 2 essay (or Task 1).

2) This is more of a minor point but you should try to mention in your thesis both of the points that your essay is about i.e problems and solutions.

So your thesis may look like this:

As a consequence, urban areas are becoming overpopulated and are facing a lot of problems, the major ones being a shortage of housing space and overcrowded transport system. However, there are ways to combat these problems.

There are some example thesis statements here.

Comments for IELTS Student Essay:
Overpopulation

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 12, 2013
 Issues on Overpopulation
by: Niner X

Statistics shows that the number of people in developed cities and areas continue to set an increasing propensity. This worrying trend can affect the entire populace in terms of maintaining health and living a decent life. However, I strongly believe that, the state, together with its people, can do tangible ways of countering this grave concern.

In reality, overcrowding has been a problem of almost all nations worldwide. Although it is true that a great number of people serve as a wealth of nation in terms of perpetuation of its race and tribe, it could pose negative impacts on the people’s health. For instance, diseases can spread rapidly and foods can ran out of supply shortly. Additionally, not all citizens will be having equal opportunity to settle a family and build houses of their own, due to lack of available lots in the cities.

Despite of this, the government and its citizens, still have the power to find solutions to the abovementioned concerns. For one, the state can open opportunities such as job deployment in rural areas, to aid in population decongestion. Secondly, the government can allot residential lots available for the people, and limit those being occupied by industries and business establishments. Similarly, the people can contribute to solving the problem through active participation and proper education. They must learn to be more health conscious and participate in the prevention of disease occurrence. With this, detrimental threats brought about by overcrowding could at least be neutralized, if not totally eradicate them.

Summing it up, the surging populace can bring threat to the health and lives of the people, nevertheless, the state in cooperation with the public, can implement simple yet effective strategies as solutions to the effects of overpopulation.
Jan 19, 2014
 My own comment
by: Anonymous

There is a mistake: Despite of this => Despite this
May 15, 2016
 Introduction
by: Abdialtif Ali Abdi

You have done a good job. So still you need to improve your introduction. Make sure you make general introduction, such as:

"There are many risks overcrowding of cities, as we have seen many countries around the world, both governments and societies should overcome that difficulties, and these can be discussed as follows".

So don't repeat the words that are given for the question. Make sure to use synonyms, like 'overpopulation', use instead 'overcrowded' and 'urban' use instead of 'cities' words that you will get better mark, keep on improving your skills.

Thank you.
Jan 11, 2017
 overpopulation
by: katerina

Due to various factors, urban areas are experiencing serious problems concerning overcrowding. In my opinion, there are several measures which governments and individuals can and must be taken so as to improve this situation.
Jan 18, 2017
 Overpopulation
by: Anonymous

hey guys,

could u please check out my essay? i am not too good at writing.

++++++


The high increase in the population of urban areas is becoming a worrying situation leading to the growth of many issues like housing troubles, illiteracy, unemployment, health and security troubles also.

Many people especially young generation are moving to urban areas to have better life in terms of education, jobs and other facilities available more easily in the towns. However, the government is not able to cope up properly with this change. The places in the colleges and universities are limited due to which many people end up with no education, which further gives rise to unemployment. Due to unemployment it becomes difficult to fulfill the basic needs of life that in turn gives rise to crimes like beggary and robbery in order to have some money to find something to eat for themselves and their families. Many people also end up with suicide for not able to cope up with the stressful life. In addition to it, there are also obstacles to find living due to high rents unaffordable by the young generation.

The government and every individual should take this seriously and provide and follow effective methods to deal with such situations. I feel that the government should open up more schools and colleges for higher education in rural areas and encourage the companies for creating job opportunities in the underdeveloped areas. In addition, the government can give some tax relaxation to the population renting at lower price.

To summarize, the extreme rise of people in the developed cities is posing problems but if proper measures are taken in time, the unwanted situations could be handled.

(275 words)


Thank you
Jan 28, 2017
 Hi could you please rate my essay.
by: Anonymous

250 words total
Thanks in advance

Hi could you please rate my essay.
250 words total
Thanks

With ever increasing migration rates and raising resident populations, many cities around the world are tackling overpopulation and its numerous ill –effects. The major ones being

1. Lack of housing space and basic amenities and
2. Burden on natural resources.

History is filled with examples of great cities with huge populations destroyed by overpopulation. Lack of basic amenities and housing space leads to development of slums which is a serious health hazard. The burden on natural resources and consequent over exploitation may lead to irreparable damage to the environment rendering the cities uninhabitable.

Governments can alleviate the pressure on overpopulated cities by providing alternates for the urban populace, like development of infrastructure and amenities away from the cities and providing easy access to them. Investing on transportation would also lessen the load on overpopulated cities. Individuals can also contribute by making efficient use of amenities and housing space. For example tenants could rent unused rooms in their houses. Decision to not migrate to busy cities in search of greener pastures would also significantly reduce crowding in cities.

To reduce the burden on natural resourses, governments should encourage usage of alternate or renewable sources. Providing tax concessions to organisations which are self-reliant for their needs would be a good step in this regard. As individuals all of us could contribute by sensible usage of resources and by avoiding any wastage.

In conclusion, the menace of overpopulation and it’s challenges can only be combated by the joint efforts of governments and individuals.
Feb 20, 2017
 hello
by: Anonymous

Your introduction is not too good. Please do not use numbering there as 1 and 2.
Jul 06, 2017
 Word Limit for Writing tasks
by: Anonymous

Hi,

May i know what is the correct word limit (upper and lower limit) for Task 1 and Task 2.

Thanks!
Jul 07, 2017
 Word Limit for Writing tasks
by: IELTS buddy

There are no upper limits but the lower limits are 250 for Task 2 and 150 for Task 1.
Jul 18, 2017
 May i upload my essay to assess?
by: Gurvinder kour

May i upload my essay to assess?

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