IELTS Sample Writing Task 2: Reducing the Working Week

by Phuong Nhung Nguyen
(Hanoi, Vietnam)

The length of the working week does not reflect modern lifestyle needs. It should be substantially reduced to give people more leisure time and time with their families.

How far do you agree with this statement?

If we carry out a survey about whether the length of current working time is appropriate or not, it is sure that most of people asked will choose the negative answer. Nowadays, people have to work at least eight hours per day and six days per week. The remaining time for other activities is little and this leads to a number of psychological as well as social problems. Therefore I concur with some people who suggest that it is necessary to go down working time.

First of all, the results of studies done by the experts from many countries show that there is a marked increase in psychological disease cases and the causes of those problems involve mainly with work. The diseases can be minor such as headache or more serious like depression and heart attack . People who suffer from those often have such heavy workload and pressured working environment that they cannot spend time for leisure pursuit. They feel exhausted each time they finish work and sometimes a day for pastime is very difficult to arrange.

Besides, I also long to emphasize the social issues due to hectic work. As an example, there is not much time for people and their children to meet and share problems as they go to work from the early morning until the evening. The distance between parents and children is lengthened. Children easily spoil and sometimes might commit crime. In addition to this, busy schedule work may result in the break in family happiness. This is reflected by the fact that the divorce rate have picked up significantly, recently.

To sum up, I thoroughly approve that the decrease in working time is relevant. In the future, this problem should be discussed and legalised by the government to ensure the needs for entertainment and family care of people.

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IELTS Buddy
Feedback:

It’s a good answer with some good support for your ideas and well organized.

You also have some good grammar and vocab.

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Corrected version:

If we carry out a survey about whether the length of the current working week is appropriate or not, it is certain that most people asked will choose the negative answer. Nowadays, people have to work at least eight hours per day and six days per week. The remaining time for other activities is little and this leads to a number of psychological as well as social problems. Therefore, I concur with the people who suggest that it is necessary to reduce working time.

First of all, the results of studies done by the experts from many countries show that there has been a marked increase in cases of physical and mental health problems and the causes of those problems mainly involve work. The illnesses can be minor such as headache or more serious like depression and heart attacks . People who suffer from those often have such heavy workloads and pressured working environments that they cannot spend time on leisure pursuits. They feel exhausted each time they finish work and sometimes a day for pastimes is very difficult to arrange.

Besides, social issues also arise due to hectic work. As an example, there is not much time for people and their children to meet and share problems as they go to work from the early morning until the evening. As a result, the distance between parents and children is increasing. Children are easily spoiled and sometimes might commit crime. In addition to this, busy work schedules may result in a breakdown in family happiness. This is reflected by the fact that the divorce rate has picked up significantly recently.

To sum up, I thoroughly agree that a decrease in working time is important. In the future, this problem should be discussed and legislation passed by the government to ensure the needs for entertainment and family care are ensured.

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FURTHER COMMENTS:

Grammar

“there has been a marked increase” = use present perfect for something that started in the past and is still happening now.

Using the Correct 'Voice'

“I also long to emphasize…” = Try to avoid using “I” except when giving your opinion in the introduction / conclusion, or maybe if you are giving an example about yourself to support an idea.

Vocabulary

Your first paragraph is a bit mixed up because you refer to ‘psychological problems’ in the topic sentence but then you talk about ‘physical problems’ i.e. headache and heart attack. You need to be careful about the differences. The first are to do with the mind and the others the body.

Diseases = we don’t tend to use the word for mental health problems. It is usually used for physical problems with the body.

Approve = signify satisfaction or acceptance. It can’t be used in this context. Check some sample sentences on the internet.

"this problem should be discussed and legalized" = you have said here that we should ‘legalize this problem”. You can’t legalize a problem. “To legalize” means to make something illegal legal, so it does not apply here.

I think you mean “the government should pass legislation to make working weeks shorter”.

Return to IELTS Sample Task 2 Writing

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