IELTS Sample Writing Task 2: Government Spending - Education or Sports?

by lubaad

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports.

Do you agree or disagree?

In these modern times of serious competetion , amongst different nations , especially in the area of man power , many would argue that government funding should be more towards improving the standard of education than sports , while some others would argue against it.

Modernising the educational facilities by improving the standard of university would help in decreasing the drop outs . Improving the quality of education , by recruiting more qualified teachers , results in maintaining the interest of the students. All these will help in shaping the future of citizens of tomorrow. On the otherhand , as the saying goes all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy. There should be a balance of sprorting activities in their curricullum, as well.

On the other hand sports and other recreation activities help in maintaining physical fitness and can be taken up as career , in itself. Especially with finacial benefits and the recognition one gets , in winning the tournaments. Sports like tennis , cricket , football , should be encouraged by improving the standards of the sporting facilities available.This in turn will encourage more children to take up a particular sport as a career . But basic education should be made compulsory , since they would have something to fall back to, provided they do not succeed in the sport they have taken up.

In conclusion, I feel that government should do more towards funding the sporting facilities and by providing incentives to those are talented since sports , can be choosen as a career .

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IELTS Buddy
Feedback:

You have a good introduction that is simple but addresses the topic and task - though I’m not sure what you mean when you refer to ‘man power’.

There are a few errors with this part in your essay, which you can see I have changed in the corrected version at the bottom:

“On the otherhand , as the saying goes all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy. There should be a balance of sprorting activities in their curricullum, as well.

On the other hand sports and other recreation activities help in maintaining physical fitness and can be taken up as career , in itself.”

1) You have put ‘on the other hand’ twice, so this is affecting your ‘cohesion’ and ‘coherency’.

2) Avoid phrases like ‘all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy’ – these are not appropriate for an academic essay (they are ok for speaking)

3) The essay isn’t referring to sports in the school ‘curriculum’ – just general spending on sports in society

Staying on Topic

And there is a problem with this part:

“But basic education should be made compulsory , since they would have something to fall back to, provided they do not succeed in the sport they have taken up.”

You are going off topic because the question is not about whether education should be ‘compulsory’ or not. Always make sure your supporting ideas are addressing the question asked.

And remember its not just about universities as you say in your first paragraph (schools as well).

This accounts for around 30 words, which means your essay is becoming weaker in its support because you are not using your available words to build your arguments.

Topic Sentences

You need to make sure your first paragraph has a topic sentence to show how you are answering the question as well, or it may look like you are just writing about how to improve schools etc rather than specifically why they are more important than spending money on other things such as sports.

Transitions

Transitions will also help to make your ideas easier to follow, as I have added.

Giving Your Opinion

Also, you need to make your opinion is clearer – remember this question specifically asks should MORE be spent on education than on sports and recreation. At the end you say they should do more to fund sports, but you have not made it clear which one most should be spent on.

Spelling and Grammar

You add too many commas too which I have taken out.

Your strong point in the essay is your vocabulary and grammar which are good, though be careful with spelling – these were all wrong:

- competetion
- sprorting
- curriculum
- financial
- choosen

To Improve

To improve your work, practice brainstorming and making a plan before you start writing. Then you can check that your ideas fully answer the question, that you have good solid support, and that it is well organized.

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Grammmar & organization corrected version:

In these modern times of serious competition amongst different nations, especially in the area of man power, many would argue that government funding should be more towards improving the standard of education than sports, while some others would argue against it.

There are several reasons why it is very important to spend a lot of money on education. Firstly, modernising the educational facilities by improving the standard of schools and universities would help in decreasing those dropping out . Also, improving the quality of education, by recruiting more qualified teachers, results in maintaining the interest of the students. All these will help in shaping the future of the citizens of tomorrow.

On the other hand, there should be a balance of spending on sporting activities as well. Sports and other recreation activities help in maintaining physical fitness and can be taken up as career in itself, especially with the financial benefits and the recognition one gets in winning the tournaments. Sports like tennis, cricket and football should be encouraged by improving the standards of the sporting facilities available. This in turn will encourage more children to take up a particular sport as a career. But basic education should be made compulsory since they would have something to fall back to, provided they do not succeed in the sport they have taken up.

In conclusion, I feel that government should do more towards funding the sporting facilities and by providing incentives to those who are talented since sports can be chosen as a career.

Return to IELTS Sample Task 2 Writing

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