this is a well written essay as i read. however, in the introduction, you wrote you have a different view, it sounds very unclear whether you are disagree or you partly agree. it is better you could clear your position in the beginning of your Balanced diet and a healthy life essay.
the first and second body para seems to be a concession paras, and last para is your opinion. in terms of the ratios, maybe you could write only one concession para and write 2 para which support your own ideas, make your view strong convince to reads.
What are Complex Structures in IELTS Writing? Discover how to use complex sentences, noun phrases, verb phrases, verb patterns & nominalisation to reach Band 7+.
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems
IELTS is a registered trademark of University of Cambridge, the British Council, and IDP Education Australia. This site and its owners are not affiliated, approved or endorsed by the University of Cambridge ESOL, the British Council, and IDP Education Australia.